Europe 2010

One of the things that just gets to me, makes my spirit mourn with great sadness is the blind. Not the physically blind, but the spritually blind. It is so sad to see these people who can't see what they are doing. They can't see they are on an express train to destruction. They are living in the illusion of the world. They are living their lives thinking they are just doing what they want, having fun, life's a party. They can't see the danger that is overtly obvious when looked at through the lenses of Christ. They have jumped off a 20 story building only thinking about the free fall for the first 19 stories. That part is fun right? Think about how fun falling would be if you had absoutly no idea or comprehension of the consiquence that waits to meet you as you hit the ground. You would think that you were so alive, so free, having so much fun, flying! But from the street the onlookers watch in horror knowing the fate of the jumper. My heart can hardly take it.
But as much as I want to, I can't save them. I can't show them the death that they are headed for, not when they are blind. I can't love them enough to save them. I can't make them see. Only God can do that.

So why am I even here? If I don't save them, if it's nothing I say that saves them then why am I here? As a missionary it's not my job to save people. It is my job to follow God 100%. To give all of me to God to use HOWEVER He likes. Jesus Christ is the ONLY one who can save people. The only one who can make the blind see. The only one to bring this hope and make people holy.
It is a hard task to watch all these jumpers. To watch and know they don't have to jump! To try to save them all myself. I won't save anyone that way. I didn't live a life free of sin, I didn't pay the cost for them, I couldn't. All I can do is live for the one who can save them. Walk with the one who can save them. Speak when He tells me to, listen when He tells me to, let them treat me poorly when He tells me to. Paul says in 2 Corinthians "I will gladly spend and be spent for your souls." I feel the same way. I want God to use me like He used His own son. That means pain and hardships for me, but I will gladly take them all for your souls. Sometimes the only way I can help in saving people is submitting to God and letting thoes people put me through hell. Sticking with them when they say and do some of the most hurtful things to me because God still has me there. Trusting God will not abandon me, that I will grow even closer to Him in the pain. Jesus was God's son and He went through the worst of it! When God chooses to use me in this way I can only praise Him. I know that He will take over inside of me with the strength to endure it all. He can make them see. He can save them. And I can submit to Him. Spend and be spent.
I pray that God shows me all the places in my life where I am still blind. All the places in my life where I have not surrendered to Him. I praise Him, for everytime I jump He catches me by His grace.
Let God use you no matter how much it hurts you. When God puts people in your life who ridicule you, disrespect you, hurt you deeper than anyone before then run to God. If He keeps you there, then praise Him! He is giving you the invaluable oppertunity to have to rely on Him because you are not strong enough alone. He is using you like He used His son. And when the time comes that you are released from this persicution, praise Him! Find a renewed spirit in Him. You can't save the jumpers, but God can. And God can use you. Let Him use you for anything He wants, no matter how much it hurts. Gladly spend and be spent.

We just left Cork. Ireland is so beautiful! We are in Galway now. God is good!

-Lexi

Location:Galway, Ireland