Europe 2010

I have been thinking a lot lately about how following God's call looks to other people. Not only people who don't know God at all, but also the people who do.
Have you ever thought of how Joshua and the Isrealites must have felt? God gives Joshua the orders for how they are to take this city. It's a crazy plan! Marching around then blowing trumpets and shouting, not your usual military plan. But Joshua listens and obeys and has his army march and march all week long.
Sometimes I feel like Joshua. Like I am marching around the wall of Jericho over and over. Like I am doing this unheard of method because that's God's plan.
I wonder if Joshua had to listen to the people of Jericho taunt him. The bible says that the gates of Jericho were closed and no one was allowed in or out because they feared the Isrealite army. I wonder if after a few days they thought the Isrealites were crazy! If the fear they had turned into a joke. Day after day they just march around and then go sleep. I wonder if they thought this was some psych-out method. Whatever they thought, I don't think they could see God's plan.
Now you can only expect the people of Jericho to not get the plan Joshua was given from God, but what about the Isrealites? I wonder if they all supported Josh 100% or if some of them went along with it, but grumbled about it. I find this to be the harder of the two. If the people who don't know God can't see why I am doing things in this illogical way it's just what I expected, but when people who are Christians can't see why I am marching around a wall day after day, to me that is far more discouraging. I think it's frustrating from both sides.
I find it much easier to follow God when I hear His call, when I am the one He tells the plan to. But what about the Isrealites? What about the people who have to take my word for it that this crazy plan, these far out unheard of and often times not the most logical methods are what God is calling me to do. I feel compassion for them. I hate being in their shoes. I would much rather know the plan, hear from God for myself, than to be called to follow someone else's call. When I feel like God wants me to do something crazy or even just something out of the way, not the most logical, I need to have compassion for them. They don't know my relationship with God, they just have to trust that God will show them that I am not crazy.
But what about when they don't care? What about the times where they don't care if it's Gods plan or not! They are not marching around the city for a week, they are just going to attack because that is how it's done! That can be so taxing on the person with the call because there is no way to explain it if the people want a reason and the whole "I feel God calling me to do that" reason is not cutting it. They want logic, they want a plan of action, they want all the things of human nature. Human nature and the nature of God are on two different waves. If they want a human logical reason they are not going to get it. There isn't one. When you take God out of the conversation that elimiates the only reason for doing this plan.
I have learned that you have to accept the fact that most people will not get it. And I can't make them get it. I can't show them what is going on inside my spirit. I wish I could, it would make things much easier, but that is my relationship with God, it's between me and God. It's far too intimate and precious to be accessable by anyone anytime. I have learned that I listen to God's call because I answer to Him and Him alone. So if other people don't get it there is nothing I can do about that. That doesn't mean I can stop marching around the wall. It doesn't matter how many people are standing there telling me I am wasting my time, wasting their time, wasting God's time. If I hear a word from the Lord I will keep my eyes on Him and march on.
Not always will you face this lack of understanding when following God, but when you do stand firm. When other people don't get it at all and become a discouragement to you have compassion on them. They are frustrated just like you because they can't see why you would waste your time on that. Stay focused on God and He will give you the strength and cofidence to continue on. Are you willing to take part in the crazy adventure God has planned?



We are in Dublin and I have been here since Saturday. I got to worship with the Ranelagh Christian Church Sunday morning and had a bible study last night! Tonight I am going to another bible study, it will be the last one I have with this church. Kent, Kyler, and Austin (3 friends from church back home) are coming out tomorrow morning to start their Europe adventures! I will travel Ireland with them for a few days while Grant heads up north. I am excited to see what God has in store!

Location:Dublin, Ireland

One of the things that just gets to me, makes my spirit mourn with great sadness is the blind. Not the physically blind, but the spritually blind. It is so sad to see these people who can't see what they are doing. They can't see they are on an express train to destruction. They are living in the illusion of the world. They are living their lives thinking they are just doing what they want, having fun, life's a party. They can't see the danger that is overtly obvious when looked at through the lenses of Christ. They have jumped off a 20 story building only thinking about the free fall for the first 19 stories. That part is fun right? Think about how fun falling would be if you had absoutly no idea or comprehension of the consiquence that waits to meet you as you hit the ground. You would think that you were so alive, so free, having so much fun, flying! But from the street the onlookers watch in horror knowing the fate of the jumper. My heart can hardly take it.
But as much as I want to, I can't save them. I can't show them the death that they are headed for, not when they are blind. I can't love them enough to save them. I can't make them see. Only God can do that.

So why am I even here? If I don't save them, if it's nothing I say that saves them then why am I here? As a missionary it's not my job to save people. It is my job to follow God 100%. To give all of me to God to use HOWEVER He likes. Jesus Christ is the ONLY one who can save people. The only one who can make the blind see. The only one to bring this hope and make people holy.
It is a hard task to watch all these jumpers. To watch and know they don't have to jump! To try to save them all myself. I won't save anyone that way. I didn't live a life free of sin, I didn't pay the cost for them, I couldn't. All I can do is live for the one who can save them. Walk with the one who can save them. Speak when He tells me to, listen when He tells me to, let them treat me poorly when He tells me to. Paul says in 2 Corinthians "I will gladly spend and be spent for your souls." I feel the same way. I want God to use me like He used His own son. That means pain and hardships for me, but I will gladly take them all for your souls. Sometimes the only way I can help in saving people is submitting to God and letting thoes people put me through hell. Sticking with them when they say and do some of the most hurtful things to me because God still has me there. Trusting God will not abandon me, that I will grow even closer to Him in the pain. Jesus was God's son and He went through the worst of it! When God chooses to use me in this way I can only praise Him. I know that He will take over inside of me with the strength to endure it all. He can make them see. He can save them. And I can submit to Him. Spend and be spent.
I pray that God shows me all the places in my life where I am still blind. All the places in my life where I have not surrendered to Him. I praise Him, for everytime I jump He catches me by His grace.
Let God use you no matter how much it hurts you. When God puts people in your life who ridicule you, disrespect you, hurt you deeper than anyone before then run to God. If He keeps you there, then praise Him! He is giving you the invaluable oppertunity to have to rely on Him because you are not strong enough alone. He is using you like He used His son. And when the time comes that you are released from this persicution, praise Him! Find a renewed spirit in Him. You can't save the jumpers, but God can. And God can use you. Let Him use you for anything He wants, no matter how much it hurts. Gladly spend and be spent.

We just left Cork. Ireland is so beautiful! We are in Galway now. God is good!

-Lexi

Location:Galway, Ireland

From the last two posts you may be able to tell that I have started a different approach to updating you all on my trip. I feel you get a better picture of what is happening here if I write about the thoughts I have been having about the spritual side of all this. That being said here are some of the things I have been thinking about in Paris.

Paris, the city of love! There is so much love in Paris. I see it everywhere I look from the locals and tourists alike. Everyone is madly in love. Sounds good, right? Well it would be good, great even, but they are not madly in love with the right thing.
I was listening to a sermon on the train ride into Paris Sunday morning and it was about when love is wrong. Really? Love? How can that be wrong? Paris was a beautiful example of this love gone wrong.

I think that because we as human beings were made in the image of God, we can't help but to love. It is our nature to love. It is something everyone of us has. But what I am finding is that while every one of us may have it, one of the main differences in people is what we love.
So, if we all have this instinct to love why is the world not one big group hug? Because we don't all love the right thing. How sad and hurtful this must be to God. What a slap in the face! He made us with this capacity to love Him and what do we do with that invaluable gift? We use it to love everything but Him. How hurtful that must be to God to see us all choose ourselves over Him. So what does He do now that we have taken this ability to love and trampled it under our feet? He sends His son to come down, pick it up off the ground and not just dust it off and hand it back to us. No! The damage was done, in order for us to get this gift back Jesus had to die. So we slap God across the face with this gift He gave us and He sends His son to die so we can get it back?That is love.
So if people are not loving God what do they love? I could list a whole number of things like power and money, but I think it all boils down to one thing: we are madly in love with ourselves! It is so engrained in our culture that we don't even realize it. I thought to myself "I'm not that good at loving myself, I am really hard on myself!" But in this sermon the preacher pointed out that the evidence of this self love we all have is found in things like making sure there is enough hot water for you in the shower, or making sure that the room temperture is how you like it and little things like that. You may not like yourself, or be nice to youself, but I would bet that you love yourself.
Sadly, this is the love displayed in Paris. During the pouring rain I watched as the people with umbrellas pushed me (without one) into the street so they could not only have the umbrella covering them, but the sidewalk covers too! This is self love. On the metro I see people pushing others back to get the last seat for themselves. This is self love. At resturants I see people weaving and cutting the line as much as they can to get their order in first. This is self love. It breaks my heart to see us all waste this capacity to love on ourselves!
But you can't really stop loving yourself, right? You can't stop taking care of youself and your well being, right? Well, to me that is irrelevant. We need to be focusing on how we CAN love God. How beautiful would the world be if we all just simply loved God? If we threw ourselves whole-heartedly into loving God with all that He gave us. If we didn't worry about not doing this or doing more of that and just dove in 100% to loving our creator! I think all the other things would fall into place. We wouldn't have to think about doing the "right thing" we would be living and breathing the right thing! We wouldn't have to worry about loving other people, that would all come naturally from our overwhelming love for God.
It's time to stop the cycle of loving anything but God. It's time to let our love from everything else come out of this overflowing love for God. So stop trying to split up your love between yourself, your family, your friends, your significant other and God, and give it ALL to God. Anything less than all you have is not enough for God. When you hand it all to God He will fill you up. Your love for all the other things will flow from your love for Him making your love for all of them pure, strong, and true. Love doesn't run out when you let God have it all.


We are in Dublin now and plan on being here until Friday and on Friday traveling around seeing the country of Ireland a little. We will be back in Dublin soon after.i can't put into words the feeling my spirit has finally being in Ireland! I have felt called here for so many years and God is faithful and has brought me here at last! What a journey it has been! God has His own agenda for this trip and I am so greatful!

Location:Paris, France

Another update written on a train. So when I post this one we will be in Paris!

I liked Berlin so much! I didn't know what to expect but I fell in love with the city! It has so much history, very recent history. The theme of walls has been on my mind for obvious reasons.

Berlin had a wall to keep people contained, but the wall did not solve any problems. It pushed them away for a while but walls only hold for so long. They don't solve the problem, they just hide it, block it out, push it away, but behind the wall the problem is still there.

I feel like we build these walls in attempt to save ourselves from sin. It's something WE can do, something we don't need help with. So we build up walls to try and fight sin in the only way we can. But it's not a fight at all, sin is bigger than any wall we can build. The thing with sin is that it can't be undone, it can't be erased, it has a price that can in no way be avoided. The wages of sin is death. The price we all have to pay is death. We all have to die, everyone. Until each person comes to this realization that they can't win their battle, that they will die, they can't understand the cross. But once we realize that we will die, that we have to die then we can make a choice of how we die. We can either fight this our entire life until sin claims the debt we owe, or we can choose to die to ourselves. We can choose to give our lives right now to Christ and let Him fight our battle for us. Christ can pay the price, He did pay the price.

So why are we still building walls to keep out what Christ already defeated? Why are we fighting this on our own when we have chosen to let Christ fight for us? When will we be able to see that we HAVE defeated sin through Christ? We are already paid for. Sin has no debt left on us, nothing to hold us for. I'm not saying that once you find Christ you won't battle sin anymore, but the truth is you don't have to! Your ties with sin have been cut, you don't have to live in sin because you have been set free! Before you were tied to sin because of the payment you owed, but once you find life in Christ your price is paid, sin has nothing to hold over you!

This in no way means we stop fighting. We are in the middle of a war! But we don't have to be on our own team fighting the forces of evil alone. We are fighting in Christ, through His power. We are fighting on the team that has already won!

So whatever sin you are fighting alone, realize Christ has defeated it! Give Him the battle, let go of the walls you have built to fight it. Let the power of Christ "tear down this wall!"

Location:Somewhere between Berlin and Paris

We are on a train right now half way between Frankfurt and Berlin but by the time I get a chance to post this we will be in Berlin. I wanted to post a few of the thoughts I have been having lately.

God has been working on my heart and showing me new things about Him and myself. I am growing and learning and having an awesome time with God. He has pointed out to me one of my faults. I have a hard time trusting God to overcome me. Now what I mean by this is that I have total faith that God can move mountains, part oceans and even errupt volcanos to fufil His plan. I even have faith that He will get everyone else right where He needs them if they realize that it was God who got them there or not. But I have a hard time believing that I won't mess the whole thing up and ruin God's plan and what God wants to be done will not get done because of my own stupidity. I realized how arrogant that was! Really? I thought that I was so great that the creator of the universe could not carry out His plan because of me? I never thought of it that way before but it was a really prideful way of thinking. I was worried that I would not hear God right or just not listen to Him and then cause the whole plan to fall appart. I laughed out loud when I realized the stupidity in my thinking, but I think lots of us find ourselves in that same state of mind. For me at least, it is easier to think of God overcoming nature, time, even the forces of evil, but when I am the obstical it just seems like too much! Like I am just to dumb to follow God, to stubborn to listen to His direction.
But God is bigger than me. That is such a simple truth that I just can't seem to grasp fully. God can not be stopped by anything, especially me! I found so much peace in this. A huge burden was lifted off my shoulders when I realized I am not holding this plan God has together, He is. It doesn't matter how dumb I am being, how stubborn I am, how blind I am, God will be in control and He will get me right where He wants me in spite of me. I realize now that He knows my heart, He can see that I want nothing but to be in Him and doing what He has planned for me.

So I am going to stop worrying about taking one wrong step and causing the whole plan to fall apart. I am going to start trusting that God's will will be done in spite of me. I am going to keep seeking God in all I do and let Him overcome my faults and mold me into whatever He likes.

Hope you understand what I am trying to say and that it benefits you in some way. I praise God for all He has done and is doing. He has given me more than I ever deserve. No matter what life throws at me I know that God is good and that is enough.

-Lexi

Location:Berlin, Germany

I said in the last post we were going to Paris next, but we have had a change in plans and are going to Berlin for a couple days! I am excited to see another part of Germany and keep thinking "Tear down this wall!" I guess being as I am named after Ronald Reagan, it is just in my blood to think that!

God is so good to us! He has just taken care of me through all of this trip. I have so much gratitude in my heart for Him! It amazes me how much He really does care.

Thank you to everyone praying for us on our journey. We need it!

-Lexi

We are still in Germany! Yesterday we went to another city for the day called Heidelberg (I think). We plan on leaving Thursday morning for Paris!

God has been teaching me so many things about Himself on this trip! He has been working all over the place. I don't get to see most of what He is doing but He shows me some of it! We are forming relationships with all kinds of people and most of them are accidental. A good number of the people we have met were not supposed to be where we met them and I think the fact that they were was a God thing. And really we were not supposed to be in any of the places we have been in until a later date. If the trip had gone in the order I planned it in we would not have met any of the people we have now. Praise God for putting us where we need to be when we need to be there!

Keep the prayers coming! Pray for the hearts of all the people we come into contact with. That they may see God when they see us.

Location:Mannheim, Germany

Rome was amazing!! We stayed at a little hostel right close to Vatican City! We saw the Vatican and the Colloseum and had a great two days!! We made friends with people from as far away as Austrailia and as close to home as New Jersey! I really enjoyed it!

We were going to leave Rome and go to Venice, Italy. We had met two girls in Barcelona who were vacationing and they live in Venice and we were planning on catching up with them, but when we tried to book a hostel not a single one was open that was priced under 100 euros each! With our budget of 70 euros a day TOGETHER (for food, transportation, shelter, all of it) we could in no way afford that. We then looked into a few cities in Switzerland and found the same problem! It was not that any of these cities didnt offer cheaper hostels, it was that they were all booked up! We finally settled on Paris. We were planning on going here later and just thought we could do it now and not have to worry about it later. We booked a cheap hostel and headed to the train station. We waited in line for ticketes only to find out that all the trains for Paris were full! So I guess that is not the path we were supposed to take either... So we decided that Germany was where we were supposed to go. Grant has a friend who is graciously allowing us to stay with her in Mannheim, Germany so here we are.

I am so thankful that God keeps us on his path. He is in controll of all of this and it does not really matter where we think we are going, God remains faithful to us taking us where he leads.


Another change of plans has been happening over the last few days. My Photosafe broke. That is the device that I use to store all the videos from my video camera so I can record new ones on the memory card. It worked at the start of the trip and has been in a nice padded case the whole time but for whatever reason it has decided to break. This means we can not empty the memory card to record more footage. I spent some time in prayer and considered my options. I decided that this is God telling me to just live over here, to not worry about this documentary and to just love the people and show them the love of God. So, while it saddens me to not be able to film over here I have realized that this is was never about what I want to do. This trip is and has always been about what God wants so I praise Him for making things so clear as to what He wants from me. I am sad that I will not have videos to show you all, but trust that this is the best way.

"When a person's steps are directed by the Lord, how than can anyone understand his own way?"

Keep the prayers coming!

-Lexi